I turn 30 tomorrow. If you asked me 10 years ago what life would look like at 30, I would have given you my hopes and dreams of what it would be. The reality is, it is nothing like I imagined. When I think about what I had hoped it would be, I smile and laugh and think oh, little 20 year old Andrea, how little you know. And I thank God that I am not in control of my life and that He is.
There is so much goodness in this season. Yes, there is frustration and pain, and my how easy is it to let that be the focus. But when I sit down and actually think about this last year and all that has happened I am humbled. Even the smallest of prayers. He heard.
One of the things I remember when Chet and I first started dating was gaining a better understanding of God’s delight in me. In my mind, I couldn’t understand why Chet would like me so much. I was just me. I hadn’t done anything to earn it. It was in that moment that God showed me how much He loved me. I didn’t need to earn it. He just loved ME.
Last night as I laid sick on the couch, in lots of pain, Chet just held me. He brought me soup, emptied and clean the trashcan I kept next to me, ran to the store to get Gatorade and Tylenol and was ready to sleep on the floor next to me incase I got worse during the night.
As good and sweet as this season is and as many reason why I love Chet, what I saw last night alone makes me want to marry him. He graciously and tenderly loved this sick and crying hot mess and once again I am reminded of how God loves me even at my worst.
I am engaged! It has been 9 days since Chet got down on one knee and asked me to marry him!
Those 9 days have had more ups and downs than the whole last year!
Whether it is friends going through hard times, ALL OF THE OPINIONS PEOPLE NOW FEEL INTITLED TO GIVE ME, or just the realities of trying to pick a date that causes the least amount of harm. I say least, because someone somewhere has an issue with every day we chose. I am now beginning to see the beauty of eloping!
This is supposed to be a happy and joyous time for me, right? Ive waited *almost * 30 years for this! As we were visiting Chet’s parents this weekend, my soon to be mother in law kept saying, “just remember why you are doing this.” I get to marry Chet! That is why I am planning a wedding. All of these details seem to crowd out the fact that I am marrying Chet!
From the time I watched my first Disney movie, Ive been told that this is all about me now! My wedding. My dreams. What I want….Chet too, but only after I get what I want. Maybe this is one of the ways Satan does his best work. I have had so many negative thoughts this week!
Isn’t the purpose of marriage to be a picture of the love Christ has for us? Isn’t marriage about serving your partner? Sacrifice. Forgiveness. Putting aside our own desires. And here I am starting this new season of life for us off by being upset and frustrated that I cant get my way!
As we were in church yesterday we say a song that had the words, “Let all the other names fade away, Until there’s only you. Jesus take your place.” I couldn’t help but think about how many other names need to fade a right now. I want my wedding and marriage to be a celebration of what Christ has done and a picture of what it looks like give and receive his love. And that cant happen if I am upset about not getting what I want or caring about how someone else’s pain will affect my day instead of just simply caring for them.