One in a Million

Three years ago when I was in the darkest part of my flare up, I prayed for healing. I wanted the big miraculous healing. I wanted my disease gone.  I remember sitting at church and someone was sharing her story on how God healed her in that way. And I just got angry. Why not me? (hello, entitled much?) Wasn't I doing everything 'right'? (um, so what?). I still had surgery. I still had a long recovery. How dare God work beyond my understanding or not in my time or in the way I want.
And it took about a year to realize it, but my prayers were answered and healing came, just in a different way.
I believe God put it on my mind to find a different way to begin healing, outside of medicine. Medicine has its time and place but it currently wasn't working for me. Knowing He created our bodies and He created food to give our bodies what they need, has led me on an exciting journey the last few years and has brought more than just a physical healing.

Fast forward two years to this March, my new GI ordered a colonoscopy because he wanted to get a baseline for how active (or not active) my disease was, plus it had been 2.5 years since my surgery and it would be a good idea to make sure everything had healed correctly.
After the procedure he let me know that he found NO inflammation but there was a significant scar tissue. He had even used a pediatric scope and couldn't get it through the scar tissue. He wanted to follow up with a abdominal CT scan to see how extensive it was. That scan confirmed what he saw. I was at risk of having a bowel obstruction and potentially a perforation, which would end in emergency surgery. His recommendation was to have a colonoscopy with endoscopic dilation. There would be a balloon at the end of the scope and he would inflate it to open up the scar tissue. I was told this procedure carried the risk of the very things I was trying to prevent by having it in the first place.

I put it off for several months because I am still nursing Christopher and wanted him to be a bit older and there were more risks with this procedure. Since having Christopher, I've become more fearful in many ways. Plus Ive watched way too much Grey's Anatomy. So I had quite a bit of anxiety about this.

A few days before the procedure I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop alone (the first time since C was born) and started journaling about my fears for the upcoming week. There was no getting out of it, but I prayed that there wouldn't be any scar tissue, so no need for the balloon and added risks. That became my prayer each day.

Fast forward past the prep, the waiting to be wheeled back to the OR; past the confused anesthesiologist and the nurse who couldn't find a good vein to insert my IV.
After it was over, my doctor came to talk to Chet and I. He seemed both pleasantly surprised and also a bit confused.
He told us that once he got in there, he still didn't see any scar tissue and he could not find any significant amount of scar tissue. Insert huge grin on my face. I said, "I knew it. I prayed that there wouldn't be any scar tissue. I knew it."

Side Story:

I remember hearing a sermon on the passage in Acts where Peter is in prison. The church is praying for him to be released, earthquake happens, Peter escapes and shows up at the door of those praying for him. When they are told Peter is at the door they say "you are out of your mind". The part of the message that has always stuck with me is, isn't that exactly what they were praying for? Why are they surprised? Do we believe that God hears us and answers us?
I realized I often feel the need to make excuses for God when he doesnt answer my prayers. Who do I think He is and who do I think I am, that I need to make excuses for God? "If its your will" is my way to deal with my own unbelief.
The topic of prayer and healing I am sure stirs up a lot of feelings, thoughts and questions for some. But I have chosen to believe that God sees me, he hears me and he responds. And I wont be surprised when He shows up. And he will show up, it just may not always be the way I want. I just have to have the eyes to see it.

Back to the main story:

He explained that the bowels can move and twist and it may have appeared like scar tissue. I think he "forgot" that he actually saw it and the scan just confirmed what he saw.
He went on to say that typically someone with a disease as severe as mine was, this just doesn't really
 happen. Medicine is always needed. "But out of a million people I guess there has to be someone who doesn't have the disease return".

The smile never left my face. He said as long as nothing changes, I wont need another test for a few years. Of course he said to call him if symptoms begin to return. I, however, don't expect to do that any time soon!

Last week, the unexplainable happened. That which multiple tests confirmed was there, was no longer there. And really, its not unexplainable at all. I know exactly what happened.

Nothing and Everything

9 months. 

It’s one of those milestone moments for me. Like first tooth. First time sitting up. First time figuring out how to unroll the toilet paper (yep, that happened today). 

9 months ago I gave birth to my little boy. He has now been carried in my arms longer than in my womb. Actually, that will be true in 8 days. As he was 8 very long days late.

In the 9 months I was pregnant with Christopher, we decided to move to Oregon. Chet found a new job. We sold our house. Moved to Oregon. Bought a house (moved again). I lost a job. All the while growing this human. 

In the 9 months since I gave birth to Christopher, Ive changed countless diapers, nursed him countless times, made funny noises, danced like a lunatic and ate lots of baby toes. I kept a human alive and fed and clothed and clean and happy. That’s it!

“Our culture doesn't have a good way to measure what you are accomplishing.Your baby will grow and meet milestones: check.

To the untrained eye, most of this work, at the end of the day, will look like nothing.

But we know better.

There is no greater task than the “nothing" you did yesterday, the “nothing" you are doing today and the “nothing" you will do tomorrow.

Caring for a baby is all about the immediate experience, yet the first two years are all about investment.

It's give, give, give and give some more.

These are hard-fought, rough-and-tumble years that can cut us down to our core and take us soaring high above the clouds, all in the space of five minutes.

And yes, as you do the hardest work of your life, it will seem like you're not getting anything done at all.”

Happy 9 months my boy. I love you to the moon and back. 

https://www.mother.ly/life/what-do-new-mothers-do-all-day